Novel puts readers into the shoes of a gay Mormon teen who wants to stay worthy

 

Review by Doug Gibson

Note: I reviewed the novel, "No Going Back," by Jonathan Langford in 2009. It was published only of StandardBlogs, a feature that the Standard-Examiner newspapaer carelessly allowed to go defunct. In the most recent William Morris email of A Motley Vision, Morris remembered Langford -- who died eight years ago. He paid tribute to his sole novel, which is an excellent book. I decided to search Wayback and find my review of "No Going Back." It has comments from that time, including one from Mr. Langford. To achieve permanence for the review, I place it here on the Culture of Mormonism blog.

“I made my choice. I did the right thing and stood up for the church. But it’s just so hard. Being around people. People not liking me. People pretending I’m not even there.”

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Or so says teenager Paul Ficklin, a gay Latter-day Saint in freelance writer Jonathan Langford’s novel, “No Going Back.” The new Zarahemla Books offering has a premise that many haven’t contemplated before. It allows the reader to get inside the head of an active-in-the-church gay teenager who desperately wants to live the Gospel and the law of chastity even if it will deny him the instinctive, God-given need of future love, companionship and family.

In “No Going Back,” Paul rejects a gay/straight alliance club at his school because it teaches him to reject LDS doctrine and embrace his sexuality. As a result he is outed by a vindictive member.

The irony is he feels far less acceptance from his straight school and LDS Church peers — in fact he’s frequently taunted — than from the GSA former friends who he left.

Although it’s didactic at times and has too much sequence introductions with characters thinking, “No Going Back” is a powerful tale. The story revolves around Paul’s long relationship with his straight friend, Chad Mortensen, who happens to be the bishop’s son. Chad is the first person to which Paul reveals his homosexuality. Though there are a lot of bumps in the road — some of it normal best friend spats — Chad ultimately becomes Paul’s biggest defender. Another help to Paul is his single mom, Barbara. Chad’s father, Bishop Richard Mortensen, also provides potentially lifesaving encouragement to Paul, counseling Paul through his teenage years with a constant reminder to him that LDS doctrine does not regard same-sex attraction by itself as a sin and that God loves him.

But one dilemma Paul has throughout most of the novel is a constant loneliness that comes with being gay and having longings completely distinct from his role models and most friends. Pushing away from those at the GSA — who encourage him to be a gay teen — so he can live his religious beliefs comes with a price I think most straight people wouldn’t accept.

There is a scene midway in “No Going Back” where Bishop Mortensen, overworked and dealing with marital stress, chats with his kindly father in law, a former local church leader. His father in law disapproves of how Mortensen is handling Paul as too permissive. The scene is probably a microcosm of the hell many gay people experience when dealing with religious leaders. Their feelings, which they can’t control, are deemed sinful. In the LDS Church, that is not true. The irony, as Paul discovers, is that not enough of his church peers, even perhaps those in authority, have learned that.

Langford’s novel is not designed to please those who take strident positions pro and con on gay rights. It’s no coincidence that a Prop. 8-type gay marriage battle is included as a backdrop to the plot in “No Going Back.” I’ve read a lot of different viewpoints on Langford’s novel on LDS-related Web sites. It’s getting a lot of buzz, which I hope helps Zarahemla’s sales.

Many, I fear, will scorn “No Going Back” due to its protagonist choosing to stay with a religion that calls his preferred sexual practice a sin. They have a point that seems to make sense: Be who you are. But religion doesn’t always make sense. It calls for obedience. There are no doubt countless young people with same-sex attraction trying to obey a traditional Christian lifestyle. And the gay/straight alliance, which preaches tolerance, has no tolerance for Paul after he tells them he regards homosexuality as a sin.

What’s missing in the harsh criticism religion gets often in regards to issues such as gay marriage is that it is only a very small part of an entire belief system. To place too much emphasis on one aspect of the gospel can be a road to apostasy, whether it’s the Word of Wisdom or gay marriage. Paul learns that during his experiences.

In “No Going Back,” we don’t know if Paul’s going to make it long term as a faithful member. A spiritual survivor, he’s plugging away, reading his scriptures, praying and going to church.

In a poignant scene, Paul seeks out the church patriarch who gave him a blessing, asking for more insight on his future family life. His recorded blessing is vague on that. He gets sympathy and some platitudes, but no answer.

Although disillusioned, Paul remains an active Mormon, trying to do the best he can in the world God sent him to to be tested. The difference from most of us is the added burden of being gay that Paul has to deal with.

As I seem to mention every time I review a Zarahemla novel, I wish this book was on the shelves at Deseret Book. A lot of us could benefit by reading it.