I wrote this piece almost 13 years ago for the now-defunct StandardBlogs and rescued it from Wayback. I found it interesting, still agree with most, although I was likely wrong that the good Elder Bednar will become the prophet. -- Doug Gibson
Since I returned from my mission; and that was 25-plus years ago, I’ve thought of LDS General Conference as LDS comfort food — far less fatty than Oreos, but often not much more nutritious than a rice cake. I figured out a long time ago — and I think the conference speakers would agree — that ultimately it’s up to me to figure out what’s best for myself, and along with my wife, what’s best for her, us, and the kids.
Let’s face it: the latest very heartfelt account from President Thomas S. Monson about someone who died tragically leaving a great testimony can provide a big dose of spiritual Jolt, but it wears off after a few hours.
These years, at conference time, I listen for talks on how to raise kids so that they’ll still want to go to church at that time near or at adulthood when my advice won’t mean as much to them. Elder L. Tom Perry and Elder David A. Bednar provided some good advice. The former stressed the need to make sure that the Gospel is taught in home as much as church. Elder Bednar, who I believe will be the prophet in my children’s formative adult years, reminds parents that if they want their beliefs to stick with their kids, they have to bear witness constantly of them. Of course, even then we may have to accept that a child will follow a different path. In the working draft of a biography of Spencer W. Kimball, “Lengthen Your Stride,” a small portion of the book reveals the late prophet’s anguish over his son, Spence, deciding Mormonism was not for him. I fear that anguish.
I was impressed with a pair of talks that President Dieter F. Uchtdorf gave. At the Priesthood session, he provided an excellent lesson on the difference between “patience” and “endurance.” The former is an active part of achieving a goal or perfection. It’s a virtue and something godly. That leads to a lesson: As God is patient with us, we should be patient with others, as well as with ourselves. It’s sad to think of how many people spoil their potential, either in a secular or religious sense — because they give up on themselves.
President Uchtdorf also offered excellent counsel on Sunday morning. He urged against pride and said that we should look beyond what may offend us personally and show the same tolerance and love that Christ shows for all of us. Condescension, or talking down to another person, is also not Christ-like. The irony, Uchtdorf explained, is that extending acceptance and love to others strengthens and refines our spirits.
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, who headed BYU when I went there (I once met him as part of the Daily Universe editorial team) gave a strong attack on pornography and offered suggestions to combat it, such as talking to a bishop, prayer, the Church Web site. I don’t necessarily disagree — I think pornography is far more dangerous than many think. It destroys intimacy in relationships, objectifies the opposite sex, among other problems … — but I sometimes wonder about the practicality of “prevention” advice given to people who have healthy attitudes about sex but are struggling with normal urges in regards to sex.
When I was a young teen, a well-meaning adult member of the church told me that masturbation would lead to excommunication. For years I assumed that would be the penalty for what I occasionally engaged in. The guilt I felt was both overwhelming and a waste of energy. I have a young son and there is absolutely no way I am going to put him through that same kind of guilt trip. Instead, he’ll learn in several years that although dad and mom want to keep an eye on his reading and watching material, there are some things that we’ll take in stride.
And despite what he may hear from others, that is not a sin at this stage in his life.
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