Acid Test: LSD vs. LDS is an '80s Mormon punk conversion memoir

Review by Doug Gibson

"Acid Test LSD vs. LDS," 2020, Zarahemla Books, is a long-awaited memoir from Mormon writer, editor and publisher, Christopher Bigelow. At its foundation, it's a re-conversion tale. The author chucks away his Mormon faith -- proclaiming it bland and conformist -- after graduating high school, and re-converts after a short spell of trying to acclimate himself to what he describes as a "chaotic neutral" existence, to use a Dungeons and Dragons term.

The seeking-to-be-"chaotic-neutral" period involves sampling or observing modes of life his religion prohibits, or frowns on: including semi-communal living, a brief sojourn back to his childhood area, Southern California, drug use (particularly LSD), shunning higher education, scattered low-paying work life, attempts at a punk lifestyle, launching a punk 'zine that focuses more on critical thought than reviews and interviews,  fornication, mooching from parents, satanism, petty theft, and homosexuality.

At its heart though, "Acid Test," I suspect, is an homage to an era of Salt Lake City counterculture of the mid-1980s, when the city boasted an often unique punk and New Wave culture, with local bands, and musical venues and clubs filled with younger adults embracing a movement at odds with Mormon culture, and for that matter, Reaganism. Even readers, such as myself, with musical tastes that never approach punk, will smile with nostalgia as Bigelow recalls journeys to Cosmic Aeroplane shop or the Blue Mouse theater. This was also the era of Mormon conman/murderer Mark Hofmann, scamming gullible LDS Church leaders with fake memorabilia, and bombing people to death.

It really was a crazy time.

The very young Bigelow packed a lot of life into the short time this memoir covers. In Salt Lake area lodgings that eventually became packed with friends and squatters, he stayed in several locations. At times the reader forgets he's a youngster, 17 when the tale starts. He has an endearing immaturity mixed with an unfeigned quest to challenge conventions. At the beginning, nothing frightens him. Even the occult is a subject worth exploring.

The author's family history is etched in Mormon history, Heber C. Kimball, Brigham Young, and many more, all related to the author. The teenage Bigelow is perceptive enough to understand that the corporate-life LDS Church he shunned in 1984 was once a progressive, way-out-of-the mainstream religion when Joseph Smith and Brigham Young were its prophets. Many early church policies and doctrines we don't talk much about today fascinate Bigelow and his adventures in Acid Test seem an effort to connect with the spiritual bohemianism of his early-LDS ancestors

For someone who has never taken LSD, Bigelow's vivid descriptions of what the world appears like to an LSD user tripping is fascinating and almost, but not quite, tempts this reviewer to sample it. However, later in the memoir, Bigelow's enthusiasm for drugs is tempered, replaced by a fear that it's a tool of dark entities to lead souls away from spirituality.

Bigelow was already an accomplished 'zine publisher as a high school student. In Acid Test, he recounts efforts to start a 'zine, called Flourishing Wasteland. After a spotty start, he works very hard on issue 2. However, his interest wanes and then concludes as he begins a re-conversion to the LDS Church.

The author's effort to cast aside concepts of good, and evil start to shake a bit after he takes LSD a lot. He senses deception in his LSD experiences, questions how real they are. He is also fascinated with the Stephen King novel, "The Stand," which involves a near total loss of human life and survivors who gravitate toward locations with leaders who represent good and bad.

There is a central reason Bigelow returns to Mormonism, and this memoir (a trilogy is planned) ends with the author's mission approaching. I don't want to give away the distinct event that motivates Bigelow to give up an alternative lifestyle and return to staid Mormonism. Getting around that, reading Acid Test made me think about all those Bible-like quotes in the Book of Mormon that talk about a sinner being past the point of redemption and consigned to hell. I don't like any idea of a literal hell but Acid Test posits to me the possibility that those types of scriptures, in the Book of Mormon or The Bible, are talking not about a hypothetical lake of fire but instead a consistent state of wickedness that goes on too long, leaving the sinner devoid of grace, incapable of repentance, and redemption.

Another reason for the author's disillusionment for "chaotic neutral" is more simple. He loves a teenage girl. Her promiscuity causes him normal pain. He includes her in his re-conversion efforts. She joins in the effort but the relationship seems shaky as the memoir ends.

Bigelow is a very talented writer. I read a review that compared Tom Wolfe's "The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test" to the memoir. It's probably apt but I thought more of George Orwell's memoir/fiction when I was reading. Bigelow's conflicted thoughts, yearning for a meaning, and despair of a shaky love reminded me Orwell's "Burmese Days." His at-times narrative, matter-of-fact, without-self-pity accounts of unpleasant circumstances (including a date with middle-aged male "chicken-hawk" ) remind me of the style of Orwell's 'Down and Out in Paris and London."

Late in the book, Bigelow laments that, for the most part, he's not getting the spiritual charge he's led himself to believe that conversion to the faith promises. The Scriptures are a tough slog, church meetings are still regimented, even the Temple lacks the spiritual manifestations that others have talked of. It's a reminder that spiritual experiences are rare commodities for most of us, and that endurance is a more valuable tool toward church activity.

Bigelow grew up in a family with parents that represent an earlier generation follower of Mormonism, one that talked more of the Three Nephites, of Cain roaming the earth, of White Horse Prophecies, and demons struggling to lead us into darkness. Each life is a battle between good and evil. Spiritual manifestations seemed to be more common in "those days." Bigelow mentions his mother having several spirit observances. On a side note, my parents were that way. My late mother once told me she saw the Savior's profile in the temple.

Ultimately, these traditionalist Mormons serve as a catalyst for the author's return to his family's faith. They never abandoned their son, and were often ready to provide assistance. This underscores another strength of the memoir; that love is still a commandment, even if the recipient is not living as parents, or others, might wish they lived. Some of the characters in Acid Test had depressing futures and ends. Others had better futures. Some of them did not receive unconditional love.

You can buy Acid Test LSD vs. LDS via Amazon here.

Review: William Smith: In the Shadow of the Prophet

Originally published at StandardNET

In “William B. Smith: In the Shadow of the Prophet” (Greg Kofford Books, 2015), author Kyle R. Walker seeks an analogy between the well-known younger brother of Joseph Smith, and their lesser-known malcontent uncle, Jesse Smith, who eventually alienated his entire family, and presumably friends, with a self-righteous anger that threatened violence at times. It’s an interesting comparison, but the sheer lack of knowledge on Jesse’s life leaves it suspect. The nephew mellowed at the end of his life; we don’t know if Jesse did but the odds are against it.

The biography of Smith is very long, somewhat psychological, and the author frequently repeats information, but it is a magnificent work. Through extensive research, Walker has compiled a detailed biography that highlights not only the many dysfunctions that hampered Joseph’s younger brother, but spotlights his talents, and provides a poignancy, particularly in his later years, that makes you admire and root for the younger brother who was tossed from the main LDS Church a year-plus after Joseph’s death.

It’s appropriate he get a good, fair biography. Growing up in the LDS Church, I heard him described as immature, impulsive, adulterous, violent, profane, hypocritical .... He was all that, but I never heard the good, the missionary work, the defense of his slain brother, his suggestion the LDS Church expand to England, his tenure as editor and state legislator, and his later failed religious initiatives that otherwise set the framework for the now-named Community of Christ’s theological foundation. They were an aversion to polygamy and a belief in a lineal hierarchy of Smiths to head the “Reorganized LDS Church.”

Smith was a complex of emotions, alternating between damning the Utah Mormons post-excommunication, to proposals, whether to Brigham Young and Orson Hyde, that he rejoin the Utah Church, but only with a promise of a renewal of apostleship and the church patriarch position, with hints that he be as highly regarded as Young. In fact, about 1860, long after his excommunication, William B. Smith impulsively was rebaptized into the Mormon Church. Nothing came of it, and Smith, entering a more stable phase of his life that would eventually lead to membership in the Community of Christ, never affiliated with his old faith.

These contradictory emotions were liabilities to Smith’s early tenure in Mormonism. Despite his time as an apostle and other leadership positions, he was never fully trusted by his peers in the hierarchy. His key strength was his familial ties, and the patience of his elder brothers, Joseph and Hyrum, who endured his weak sensitivity, grandiosity, sense of entitlement and flaring temper, which occasionally extended to violence. Smith had a stable but needy home life, married to a chronically ill wife, Caroline, and dabbling in polygamy as it was introduced. His church troubles intensified when he went on a mission in 1843 to head the Saints in New England. He alienated local leaders, eventually drumming some out of the church, and favored manipulative associates, such as George J. Adams, who flattered him.

The most serious error Smith made was to assume, due to his family name, that he had the sealing power to conduct polygamous marriages. That action eventually had him removed from the position about the time his brothers were murdered in Carthage. For the next year and a half, a shaky, oft-broken truce would last between Young, the Quorum of the Twelve and William Smith, who returned to Nauvoo in May of 1945 with a terminally ill wife who died soon after. This was a time of tension in which most of the Smiths broke association with Young’s leadership, but William’s behavior was particularly erratic. It included a strange public speech advocating then-secret polygamy, irresponsible marriages to very young teens, sympathy for criminal thugs, and constant arguments over compensation and his status as church patriarch. As Walker notes, though, even as the turmoil continued, Smith performed with enthusiasm his blessings duties as patriarch.

Smith’s church tenure was finished after he abandoned Nauvoo and published an anti-Brigham Young bromide, ironically printed in the newspaper of Thomas Sharp, the man chiefly responsible for killing his brothers. The next several years were spent moving around the region with his new family (he married his late wife’s younger sister) and allying himself with Mormon factions. As Walker notes, he had more affiliations with disaffected Mormons than any of his colleagues, including ventures with James J. Strang, Martin Harris, Lyman Wight, George J. Adams, and even John C. Bennett! 

Perhaps the most interesting part of the book is Smith’s several-year church that he headed, Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. He was more successful in this venture than many perhaps realize. His church had several branches, a newspaper and several hundred members with William as the prophet. The author wryly notes that once Smith was established as prophet, he hedged away from earlier positions that Joseph Smith III eventually take over the church. Alas, the church failed when a key member, Isaac Sheen, discovered William’s polygamous past and heavily publicized it. Besides the church, William also lost his wife, Caroline’s sister Roxey Ann, who with their children left him.

William B. Smith lived a long life. The last 30-plus years of his life was spent mostly in a manner far more serene than the fiery decades of 1830 through 1859. He married a woman, Eliza Sanborn, with children and they had a few of their own. The newlyweds withdrew from Mormonism and its offshoots, and lived a rustic, semi-poor existence farming in Elkader, Iowa. Smith even briefly joined the Union Army during the Civil War to make some money. He eventually affiliated, with his wife,  with the Reorganized LDS Church, and served missions and as a branch president. His status as a brother of Joseph Smith made him an admired man, and Smith used his still-strong preaching skills to laud his brother and his faith. 

He never stopped hoping that he would achieve a major position in the Community of Christ, and frequently asked such of Joseph Smith III. The son, gifted with strong patience, compassion and interpersonal skills, never acceded to his uncle’s wish but flattered his frail ego and utilized his talents, allowing him to go on missions and speak at conferences. He outlived Eliza by a few years, and even remarried before his death at 82 in 1893.

William B. Smith, arguably a rogue as a much-younger man, was a better man late in life, a kind man who greeted Utah Mormon missionaries with tears and a hug late in his life. Walker notes that the Prophet Joseph Smith once said that William would be a good man late in his life; that proved to be true. 

There’s much I haven’t mentioned in this biography. Rest assured if you have a passion for LDS Church history, you won’t be disappointed by Walker’s biography.

-- Doug Gibson

Early Mormon leader Pratt talked of spirit world, disdained ghost hunting

Originally published at StandardNET in 2010.

Today, as an LDS leader, Parley P. Pratt is mostly mentioned and taught as a subject of history, but not theology. We see his much-read, edited autobiography, as well as a little-read scholarly biography, on book shelves, and his name is listed as the author of several songs in the LDS hymn book.

Pratt was more than that, of course. In the 19th century his books on theology, available free on the web today, were required reading for serious church members. ( A book on his early writings, The Essential Parley P. Pratt, can be read here.)

There’s a convenient website to learn about Pratt. It’s at http://jared.pratt-family.org/ I peruse it often, eager to learn more about this amazing man, who lived a half a century and died a violent death, pursued by a cuckold whose wife he had married. (Brigham Young referred to Pratt’s activities as “whoring,” but there was no prurience in Pratt’s actions. His theology on earth saw no conflict in taking the unhappy wife, and Mormon convert, of a drunken spousal abuser as his own plural wife. His placid acceptance of his own violent death adds support to this assessment.)

Pratt’s writings on the post-life spirit world, while not often cited today, clearly laid a framework for how the spirit world is taught today in the LDS Church. It’s key to understand that to be “active” in the Mormon church requires service. And there’s no defined approved amount of service. Example: at our ward conference on Sunday, our stake president definitively told the congregation that more service is needed. Further explanation: as Pratt taught years ago, Mormonism believes that every person on earth needs to be taught the Gospel of Jesus Christ. As with many other Christian religions, Mormons are taught that every person who has lived on earth will accept Christ as his or her savior.

Almost 161 years ago, Pratt laid out the spirit world in a General Conference address on April 7, 1853, in Salt Lake City. Pratt described the spirits that left life as “organized intelligences,” created long before they entered and departed earth, a second estate to Mormons.

Pratt taught that the spirit, being material, contained the shape and characteristics of a mortal body. The spirit also retained what we had learned in the first estate (pre-existence) and the second estate (earth). These characteristics included knowledge, emotions, passions, beliefs, and vices.

In the discourse, he says: “Let a given quantity of this element, thus endowed, or capacitated, be organized in the size and form of man, let every organ be developed, formed, and endowed, precisely after the pattern or model of man’s outward or fleshly tabernacle, what would we call this individual organized portion of the spiritual element?

“We would call it a spiritual body; an individual intelligence; an agent endowed with life, with a degree of independence, or inherent will; with the powers of motion, of thought, and with the attributes of moral, intellectual, and sympathetic affections and emotions.

“We would conceive of it as possessing eyes to see, ears to hear, hands to handle, as in possession of the organ of taste, of smelling and of speech.

“Such beings are we, when we have laid off this outward tabernacle of flesh. We are in every way interested, in our relationships, kindred ties, sympathies, affections, and hopes as if we had continued to live, but had stepped aside, and were experiencing the loneliness of absence for a season. ....”

(Pratt also taught what Mormons are taught today, that after we die, the “veil,” which prevented a knowledge of our first estate — thereby allowing free agency — is lifted, and we recall our entire existence.)

But, getting back to the spirit world, Pratt describes it as having “many places” and “degrees.” Mormons like to use the terms “Paradise,” where more-righteous exist, and “spirit prison,’ where unrighteous spirits reside. Pratt describes it in deeper terms.

The more unrighteous a person is in the spirit world, the longer the sinner’s wait — in darkness and misery — before he or she receive education, and ultimately accepts the Gospel.

Here is how Pratt describes the lowest degrees of the spirit world: “I will suppose, in the spirit world, a grade of spirits of the lowest order, composed of murderers, robbers, thieves, adulterers, drunkards, and persons ignorant, uncultivated, etc., who are in prison, or in hell, without hope, without God, and unworthy as yet of gospel instruction. Such spirits, if they could communicate, would not tell you of the resurrection, or of any of the gospel truths; for they know nothing about them. They would not tell you about heaven, or priesthood, for in all their meanderings in the world of spirits, they have never been privileged with the ministry of a holy priest. If they should tell all the truth they possess, they could not tell much.”

Ultimately, as Pratt and current LDS doctrine define, the responsibilities of righteous spirits mandate more service. The second estate is not a period of blissful rest, but more missionary work.

In fact, Pratt is a bit prescient in his disdain of today’s pop-fascination with “ghost-hunting,” as well as the fad of spiritualism, which was beginning its long popularity in the mid-19th century. As Pratt explains in his discourse, the righteous spirits have little interest in what occurs on earth; they are far too preoccupied with serving the countless spirits who need assistance.

He even describes what the spirit world must be like for the slain Mormon Prophet Joseph Smith, saying: “… if I were to judge from the acquaintance I had with him in this life, and from my knowledge of the spirit of priesthood I would suppose him to be so hurried as to have little or no time to cast an eye or a thought after his friends on the earth. He was always busy while here, and so are we. The spirit of our holy ordination and anointing will not let us rest. The spirit of his calling will never suffer him to rest, while Satan, sin, death or darkness possess a foot of ground on this earth. While the spirit world contains the spirit of one of his friends, or the grave holds captive one of their bodies he will never rest, or slacken his labors.”

Parley P. Pratt envisioned a world of spirits with missionaries, and their superiors, on the run, constantly busy, trying to fulfill what is the mantra of Mormonism’s Heavenly Father, who is quoted in LDS scripture as such, “… this is my work and my glory — to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.” (Moses 1:39, The Pearl of Great Price)

Today’s LDS General Conference sessions often feature shorter, earnest “peanut butter & jelly” speeches that reflect a safer, more cautious era.

Pratt’s discourses and writings provide a rougher, but healthier meal.

-- Doug Gibson

90 years ago, book by Davis author served as gift to missionaries from LDS prophet

More evidence that the bookshelves and basements of Latter-day Saints’ homes provide historical value: I’m holding in my hands a book titled, “Flashes From the Eternal Semaphore,” written by Leo J. Muir, published by The Deseret News Press, third edition, 1928. What’s most interesting is the right hand page next to the inside cover, a June 1, 1929 signed note from then-LDS Church President Heber J. Grant to missionary, Raymond D. Kingsford, soon to be sent to the LDS Western States Mission, according to his daughter, Lou Ann Hirsch, who has preserved her late-dad’s gift from a prophet.

The note, on President Grant’s letterhead, reads, Elder Raymond D. Kingsford, (stamped)

Dear Brother:

This excellent book

is presented to you with the

compliments of the author,

Leo J. Muir, and myself. I feel sure you will thoroughly

enjoy its contents and that

it will be an inspiration to

you while on your mission.

Sincerely your brother,

(Heber J. Grant’s signature)

A semaphore is, according to most definitions, “a system of sending messages by holding the arms or two flags or poles in certain positions according to an alphabetic code.” (Online Free Dictionary). Muir’s “book” is more or less a collection of inspirational quotes, legends, and stories designed to promote honesty, integrity, and spirituality. Sort of a 1920s’ version of “Chicken Soup for the Soul.” It was apparently sent to hundreds of young elders who served missions for the LDS Church long ago.

I think its main historical value is its place as a preferred non-Scripture reference for LDS missionaries of that era. Whether officially endorsed by a prophet or not, every generation of missionaries likely have favorite church-related books that are packed in their bags next to suits, ties, garments, Scriptures, etc. When I was a missionary 29 years ago, I recall buying a small book that included a debate on Mormonism that involved two missionaries and representatives from other faiths. The “judge” was a rabbi, I recall. The book was popular among missionaries, although I can’t recall the title. The LDS debaters won, of course, and even the rabbi judge was converted.

Out of curiosity, I look for this book from time to time at LDS bookstores and can’t find it, although I’m sure I could track it down if I made a serious Deseret Industries/online sales effort. It seems to have run its course — long ago — as a missionary-preferred tool. Some books that never grow out of favor for missionaries are, of course, the LDS Standard Works scriptures, plus books such as “The Articles of Faith” and “Jesus The Christ,” by the early 20th Century apostle James A. Talmadge, who probably knew Leo J. Muir, personally. (“Articles of Faith,” by the way, was a thick, sturdy volume that also served as a sure weapon against flying cockroaches in Peru.)

As for Muir’s “Flashes From the Eternal Semaphore,” here are a few of the nuggets found within the 112 pages:

• “Let us scan at random the lives of great men

and observe how firmly they have mastered

their lives towards the ends they hold dear.

The canny Scotchman, Carnegie, expressed the

philosophy of the captains of industry in this

wise sentence:

‘Put all your eggs in one basket and watch that basket.’

That is the strait and narrow path in business.” (31)

Or,

• “… Moderation and simplicity in

foods, in fashion and in faith lead always to

health, happiness and religious peace of mind.” (32)

Or,

• “The lewdster who amuses himself and others

in this base pastime is seldom aware of the dire

mischief hidden in his speech. Obscenity is

the hostile enemy of all noble virtues.”

One more,

“And well might every youth give solemn

heed to this prophetic counsel:

‘Poverty and shame shall be to him that refuseth

instruction; but he that regardeth reproof shall be

honored.”

The book is arranged in seven sections, with an Introduction, Five Semaphore Flashes (The first is “The Pursuit of Easy Things Makes Men Weak,” the last, “He That Soweth to the Flesh Shall of the Flesh Reap Corruption,” and has a Conclusion, titled, “The Majesty of Law.”

The author, Leo J. Muir, (1880-1967) was an educator in Davis County for much of his life. He was the first principal of Davis High School and eventually Utah superintendent of schools. When this book was published in the 1920s, Muir lived in California and was an LDS stake president and later the Northern States LDS mission president. A prominent Democrat, Muir was mayor of Bountiful. In 1960, he provided the benediction — following John F. Kennedy’s presidential nomination acceptance speech — at the Democratic National Convention. In Bountiful, there is an elementary school named for him.

-- Doug Gibson

-- Originally published at StandardBlogs

Letter to a Doubter important essay from Mormon scholar Givens

LDS author and scholar Terryl Givens’ “Letter to a Doubter” has been widely circulated since he presented the essay/lecture in a speech to a Mormon fireside. The push to acknowledge doubt in one’s spiritual life, indeed to regard the “absence of certainty” as a component of true faith, has gained traction. In LDS General Conference, Apostle Jeffrey R. Holland told those that believe, but do not know, that they are following Christ’s counsel, who said, “Be not afraid, only believe.” (Read)

Givens’ essay is fascinating, and ideally suitable for this era, which is seeing apostasies that result from intense, appropriate scrutiny to long-held assumptions. He begins by pointing out that some “doubts … are predicated on misbegotten premises.” As an example he relates the doubt that troubled late LDS leader B.H. Roberts, who fretted over the many languages of the American Indians. Roberts’ error, which he shared with many church leaders, was assuming that the Book of Mormon spanned the entire Americas. Givens writes, “Nothing in the Book of Mormon suggests that Lehi’s colony expanded to fill the hemisphere. In fact, … the entire history of the Book of Mormon takes place within an area of Nephite and Lamanite habitation some 500 miles long and perhaps 200 miles wide.“

The money quote from Givens is this: “You see, even brilliant individuals and ordained Seventies can buy into careless assumptions that lead them astray. That Joseph Smith at some point entertained similar notions about Book of Mormon geography only makes it more imperative for members not to take every utterance of any leader as inspired doctrine.” For longstanding Mormons, that is not necessarily an easy transition. Authority is big in the church, and the words of a general authority, let alone an apostle or prophet, can be a debate-finisher.

But understanding that all people are fallible, as well as a realization that doubt is a component of true faith, are main themes of Givens’ advice. It’s well-needed, because, the LDS Church is losing young adults who are confronted, in an Internet-archived world, with contradictions that can easily dent weak faith that relies on claims of certainty.

Givens offers five components of belief that can lead to doubt. In The Prophetic Mantle, he reminds readers that the Scriptures, including The Bible, are full of prophets who err. They include Abraham. Moses, Jonah, and Paul. Givens writes, citing LDS Prophet Spencer W. Kimball’s repudiation of Brigham Young’s Adam-God heresy as an example, “… when Pres. Woodruff said the Lord would never suffer his servants to lead the people astray, we can only reasonably interpret that to mean the prophet will not teach us any soul destroying doctrine—not that they will never err.” Again, this addresses the incorrect assumption that whenever a prophet speaks, he is absolutely correct. This weak idea is easily disproved — just read many of Brigham Young’s discourses — but it can do damage to persons who demand no errors in their belief.

Another issue Givens addresses is the mistaken idea that God was silent on issues of theology, and that the Christian church was inactive, for centuries prior to 1820, when Joseph Smith received the First Vision. Instead, Givens urges those with doubts to see Smith’s mission not as starting over, but “that of bringing it all into one coherent whole, not reintroducing the gospel ex nihilo.”

The third part of Givens’ essay addresses the idea of “Mormon Exclusivity,” or the assumption that in a world of several billion, a few million Mormons have a “monopoly on salvation.” Givens then points out something that I deeply appreciate about my religion, that it offers salvation to virtually all of God’s children. He writes, “… the most generous, liberal, and universalist conception of salvation in all Christendom is Joseph Smith’s view.” Givens stresses the theology that “here and hereafter, a multitude of non-Mormons will participate in the Church of the Firstborn.”

The final two points of Givens’ essay are a rebuttal to the idea that organized religion is unnecessary and the misbegotten assumption that belief automatically brings personal satisfaction and personal revelations of truth. He explains that the gospel of Christ is a message that invites inclusion, and sharing, and spiritual sociality that exists on the earth, will exist in the afterlife. He writes, “In this light, the project of perfection, or purification and sanctification, is not a scheme for personal advancement, but a process of better filling — and rejoicing in — our role in what Paul called the body of Christ …”

As for the personal feelings of failure, disappointment, despair, and general unhappiness, traits that do not go away even when we profess a belief, Givens advises “three simple ideas: be patient, remember and take solace in the fellowship of the desolate.”

As Givens continues, “Patience does not mean to wait apathetically and dejectedly, but to anticipate actively on the basis of what we know; and what we know we must remember.”

Memory is a powerful component of faith and belief. One reason we are taught to gather in organized churches is to participate in the Sacrament, where we remember what Christ’s sacrifice has done for us.

And, as Givens relates, membership in the Society of the Desolate is something to be proud of. Its members include Mother Teresa, whom Givens quotes, said “I am told God loves me — and yet the reality of darkness and coldness and emptiness is so great that nothing touches my soul. … Heaven from every side is closed.”

If we take nothing else from “Letter to a Doubter,” please understand that even the most spiritual feel spiritually alone, not rarely but often. That too, is a test of faith.

In his conclusion, Givens urges that we be “grateful” for our doubts. He adds, “I am grateful for a propensity to doubt because it gives me the capacity to freely believe. … An overwhelming preponderance of evidence on either side would make our choice as meaningless as would a loaded gun pointed at our heads.”

I lack the talents Givens possesses to do justice to his discourse/essay, so I urge readers, again, to read it carefully. It’s important that we not allow our doubt to be exploited by others, but use it as an advantage designed to strengthen our spiritual beliefs.

(Letter to a Doubter can be purchased for 99 cents on Kindle.)

-- Doug Gibson

-- Originally published at StandardBlogs